HOW TO ACTUALLY QUIT DRINKING, FOR NOW OR FOREVER

If you feel like your relationship with alcohol needs an overhaul, you’ve got plenty of company. According to the most recent data available from 2021, at least one in 10 people ages 12 and older in the US showed symptoms of alcohol use disorder (AUD) over the prior year—like being unable to stop drinking alcohol after starting, craving alcohol to the point of distraction, or drinking to the point that it impacts personal and professional relationships. Although issues with drinking are a hugely common struggle, quitting can be tough even if you don’t identify with the above scenarios, given how much booze figures into our social lives and wider culture—in fact, it’s so tough that simply deciding how to start can feel massively intimidating.

The good news: Experts say that if you’re thinking about getting sober—for now, or forever—you’ve already made serious headway. “The first step is saying, ‘Something is going on with my drinking that isn’t fitting in with my life,’” Smita Das, MD, PhD, MPH, a board-certified addiction psychiatrist and the chair of the American Psychiatric Association’s Council on Addiction Psychiatry, tells SELF.

Before we get rolling with what happens from there, Dr. Das points out an important caveat: If you’re a chronic, heavy drinker—that roughly means five-plus drinks a day for men, or four or more for women per week—trying to stop cold turkey puts you at risk of alcohol withdrawal syndrome, which is really dangerous.¹ “Withdrawal can require medical attention and be life-threatening,” Dr. Das says. If regularly drinking that amount of alcohol is where you are now, see a physician about whether you need to safely detox with medical help and pursue options for addiction treatment—under no circumstances should you go this alone.

No matter your situation, Dr. Das emphasizes the power of enlisting help as you embark on a life sans booze. Your support system might look like some combination of loved ones, evidence-based methods of changing your habits, and medical providers (particularly those you might already see, like a primary care physician, psychiatrist, or therapist).

We know: “It takes a lot of bravery and courage to have a discussion about this with a doctor, or to bring this up to a family member or friend,” as Dr. Das puts it. Before that, you have to be real with yourself about your drinking habits—and truly, that’s not easy, so if you’ve gotten that far, you’re on your way already. Here’s how to get to the sober place you want to be in—and stay there.

Talk to a medical pro, even (and especially!) if you’re nervous about being honest about alcohol with them.

Whether you want to take a break from drinking or you’re quitting alcohol for keeps, bring in some pros to help. Make an appointment to ask for medical advice from any health care providers you’re in regular contact with, George Koob, PhD, director of the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA), tells SELF. If you don’t have a regular doctor, see a primary care provider or visit a free health clinic near you. The NIAAA also offers pointers about resources for low- and no-cost treatment and support options, like getting in touch with your state’s agency for substance abuse help.

It can feel uncomfortable to tell a doctor about your relationship with alcohol. (Raise your hand if you’ve fibbed, “Oh, just one or two,” when one’s asked how many drinks you have in a week!) But you can and should treat this like any other medical question you’d bring to an appointment. If it’s helpful: Stick to practical questions—you don’t have to make excuses or explain anything about this aspect of your health. “You might ask your physician, ‘I drink X amount. Do you think that’s contributing to Y?’” Dr. Koob says, referencing the links between heavy alcohol use and the development and progression of health conditions like diabetes and heart disease.² Chatting with a doctor about how drinking could be affecting your wellness can help you both determine what health markers (like blood pressure) to keep an eye on—and give you extra motivation to stay booze-free.

Dr. Das emphasizes that you should tell any mental health care professionals you see about your plans to quit drinking so they can adjust their treatment plans if need be. “[Many] people with a substance use disorder like AUD have another mental health condition, so it’s really important to treat both,” she says. “If we don’t treat depression or anxiety that might be associated with [excessive drinking], then we’re only working with half of what’s going on.”

If you don’t have a therapist, now’s a great time to look into one. They can help give you more insight into the underlying reasons behind your excessive drinking and how to work on new strategies for dealing with those feelings. Dr. Das says that, from a talk therapy standpoint, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is one of the best interventions for alcohol use disorder.³ “CBT helps people understand what the function of alcohol is in their life and what the automatic thoughts or behaviors and associations they have with alcohol are,” she explains, and offers guidance about “undoing and replacing those with healthy coping mechanisms.”

Anna Lembke, MD, professor and medical director of addiction medicine at the Stanford University School of Medicine and the author of Dopamine Nation, previously told SELF that you can zero in on mental health professionals with experience in treating addiction, if that feels right for you. “For psychologists, many of them are addiction-informed, and in their advertisements or on their websites, they will mention that specifically,” Dr. Lembke said. To get started, try searching a directory like Psychology Today or Inclusive Therapists, both of which have filters you can use to look for specific support around substance use.

Do a sobriety trial run, even if you’re in it for the long haul.

As Dr. Koob says: “One of the first recommendations I make is to stop drinking for a set period of time.” After just three weeks, for example, you may start to notice the positive physical and mental effects of not drinking, like better sleep, less anxiety, and an easier time in the bathroom. “People who quit drinking find that they wake up in the morning feeling much more invigorated and ready to go,” Dr. Koob says. “There could be less gastrointestinal distress because alcohol can irritate the GI tract.”

There’s plenty of research to back up the health benefits of testing out sobriety for a little while.⁴ According to a 2016 study, moderate drinkers who took a month-long Dry January–style break from drinking had better concentration and reductions in cholesterol, blood pressure levels, and liver fat (which is often increased by drinking too much—this is known as alcoholic fatty liver disease, a condition that can lower your body’s immune responses, cause inflammation and cell damage, and progress to alcoholic hepatitis and cirrhosis if the drinking continues).⁵

The same study found that a break from drinking had lingering positive effects on people’s habits around alcohol. More than two-thirds of the participants reduced the amount of times they drank excessively (that is, anything beyond the daily recommended amount of drinks) for six months following their first 30 days alcohol-free. “Some people stop for two weeks, feel better, and go on to the other two weeks—and at the end of that, they say, ‘I didn’t need alcohol in my life—it’s causing more trouble than it’s worth,” Dr. Koob says.

Framing sobriety as a temporary challenge versus a permanent lifestyle change can make it easier to stay sober for the long haul. That’s the logic behind the Alcoholics Anonymous adage “one day at a time”—if you can abstain for just 24 hours rather than worrying about how you’ll ever manage to never have another drink, ever, it feels less daunting and more manageable.

Think through the situations when you tend to reach for a drink—and plan a new approach.

Your drinking doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Dr. Das says you should look outside of yourself for triggers that make the urge to have a beer (or…many beers) feel stronger. “Approach sobriety from all angles,” she says—meaning, think about not just your internal responses to alcohol, like if you drink when you’re stressed, but also about drinking as a response to specific environments and social contexts. In her practice, Dr. Das asks, “What are the people, places, and things that might cause somebody to drink, and how can we integrate that into their recovery plan?”

Look back to the month before you decided to quit: Take notes about when, where, and with whom you drink over the course of a few weeks. Is there a bar, club, or concert venue where you get particularly trashed over and over again—even when you swear you’re going to take it easy? What about a partner who drinks so much, seemingly without a problem, that you try to keep up? A friend group you’re socially anxious around? A workplace culture that revolves around happy hours or partying to blow off steam?

When you review your notes, look for patterns. The trends that emerge will probably reveal a lot about where, what, and maybe even whom you’ll want to avoid or handle differently in the beginning stages of a booze-free lifestyle. (This isn’t about laying blame for bad nights of drinking in anyone else’s hands. It’s about setting yourself up for alcohol-free success.) You might want to take a break from social situations where you know you’ll just feel tempted. As SELF previously reported, there are lots of good ways to set boundaries around what you feel comfortable with doing—and not doing—with your time during early sobriety. (And, in general: Canceling plans isn’t a crime!)

If you have an engagement you can’t wiggle out of, like mandatory work “fun” or family time, Dr. Koob suggests grabbing an ambiguously cocktail-y non-alcoholic drink—and you’re absolutely free to dodge any questions that curious (or nosy) people might have about what’s in your cup, or not! Whatever you want. “Just get a sparkling water, put a lime in it, and have fun,” he says.

Hang out with other sober people.

Meetings like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), where people open up about their relationships with alcohol in a private, respectful discussion group, are a popular resource for people looking to quit drinking. (Take note, though: AA is geared toward people who self-identify as having alcohol addiction.) The NIAAA has a search tool that can help you find support groups, including AA meetings, in your area.

If you’re not sure AA or another meeting (like SMART Recovery, which doesn’t have as big an emphasis on spirituality as AA does, Sober Black Girls Club, or Women for Sobriety) is a fit for you, or you’re looking for something more casual: There are plenty of places to informally soak up sober support, including by just having a nice time that doesn’t involve downing vodka sodas. Not drinking doesn’t mean embarking on a life of hermitude. “You may have to find friends and social groups that are non-drinkers—and there are plenty of them out there,” Dr. Koob says. Take up activities where drinking isn’t an integral part of hanging out—think rec sports leagues and volunteer committees. As SELF previously reported, taking time for new hobbies, self-care, and supportive relationships can be a balm when you’re scaling back on booze.

Take pride in your progress.

Will quitting drinking solve all of your problems, in health and in life? No, because no single lifestyle change can do that. If that’s where you’re setting your expectations, you might feel like you gave up something you loved (getting really drunk) for no good reason, even when that’s objectively not true. One way to combat that feeling, Dr. Koob says, is to check in with yourself after a few months of sobriety to take stock of the benefits you’re reaping.

In addition to feeling less anxious and having better digestion, you may notice bigger changes a few months into sobriety. For instance, your doctor might find that your heart and liver are in better shape, or your skin may have a certain new glow. From there, the benefits only compound with time.

“If you feel better when you’re not drinking, your body’s trying to tell you something,” Dr. Koob says. “You need to listen to your body.” And that’s especially true when it’s telling you you’re doing something incredibly kind for yourself—and that you can and should stick with it. We’re cheersing you with sparkling water as you keep this good thing going.

Related:

• How to Tell If You’re Using Substances to Numb Your Feelings
• 3 Things Not to Say When a Loved One With Addiction Relapses—and 6 to Try Instead
• This Is Why It Seems Like Your Hangovers Are Getting Worse With Age

Sources:

1. StatPearls, Alcohol Withdrawal
2. Alcohol Research: Current Reviews, Chronic Diseases and Conditions Related to Alcohol Use
3. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, An Evaluation of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Substance Use Disorders: A Systematic Review and Application of the Society of Clinical Psychology Criteria for Empirically Supported Treatments
4. Alcohol Research: Current Reviews, Natural Recovery by the Liver and Other Organs After Chronic Alcohol Use
5. British Journal of General Practice, What is Dry January?
6. Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews, Alcoholics Anonymous and Other 12‐Step Programs for Alcohol Use Disorder